But surely, you’ve noticed by now That all progress is incremental Across increments of time Because all progress is time-bound And the unfolding of time
Whenever an authority figure says It’s my way or the highway I end up wanting to have it both w…
Our lightweight cat litter develop… hit a speed bump when we realized it was worth its weight in gold
The only thing Bigger than my ego Is God’s plan for me
My utopia is a dystopia where I get to say I told you so
My favorite plot twists have always been quicksand and amnesia but I have this sinking feeling I’m forgetting something
In Mexico City men never wear shorts and if that’s where my anxiety dreams are set they could represent
The closest I ev– er came to forming Voltron was using Groupon
If they cut a deal with the devil to cut you loose without ever having to cut the crap they’ll cut right to the chase and… how much it saddens them to cut ti…
We call the end of sex the little… And the idea of casual sex Is as absurd as casual death
What do all apples have in common? It only takes one rotten apple to… Because all apples are unique But a mob of apples are uniquely b…
I am simultaneously purging while binge watching TV on my Gal… by ignoring my wife and kids
It was an offer I thought I couldn’t refuse: You can sit there and take it Or leave it Having nowhere to go
Guilt is intolerable which is why “I can explain everything” is processed into “I have a theory which explains ev…
Successful interpretation of the m… Codex on the Golden Rule found in the cavernous ruins of early 21st century civilization may hold the key to understanding
