God said satis– faction guaranteed; religion is all the fine print

I thought they’d finally say Mea culpa But they still just said Me

You would think doing well on social media would give you strength in numbers but you only end up

When things were easy going it was easy to believe you were on the up and up But when the going got tough suddenly you were going

We’ll never win a power struggle But that’s never stopped us trying And we always end up tying Because our fates are tied togethe…

The question isn’t: Why is there something rather than nothing? It’s: Why does it mean something

I am going to delay early retirement until everyone is middle class

When I caught my wife cutting up… she said it was to prevent birds getting stuck in them like six-pac…

Love may never win but love always ties

People want to get rich because they think money will make them happy People want to stay rich because they know that money

I had just started explaining smar… When the alien stopped me in mid-s… And explained smart phones to me Originally, in order to monitor an… They were just going to attach

Either Life imitates art and becomes an exhibition Or Art Imitates Life

Originally a method for learning from mistakes science had been debased into a tool for sorting right from wrong

Some people say They were born too late; I was almost born too soon But then along came the internet Just in time to stop time–

If you want to remain married one partner should stay busy moving the goalposts while the other focuses on running out the clock