Modern research methods have detec… that there’s no such thing as a ba… leaving scientists puzzled as to w… the whole bunch is still spoiled
The only way to avoid giving the man who has everything more of the same is to give him nothing
Whereas Mayor McCheese loved reading about himself in the newsp… ex-Mayor McCheese was served with divorce papers
America hates its poor now more than ever because they are the embodiment of embodiment
Not much has changed but now I’m a glass is ten per– cent full kind of guy
God’s loyalty is only matched By His Demands The most demanding of which is equ… And by His rewards The most rewarding of which remain…
Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski
My handwriting analyst said my electronic signature indicates a Type A personality and that’s all she sees anymore I said
I was born in the summer of my 47th year coming home to a place my mazel’d ever been before
In the cyber proxy war of all agai… We are all fighting each other So that none of us have to fight Our own worst inclinations
Hell isn’t other people– Hell is waiting in line behind other people
The turning point came after I pegged my happi– ness to the dollar
Most tautologies are self-fulfilling prophecies For example: Most people are average But God never met
I’m always asking God What is the meaning of life? In response, God looks at my life… What is the meaning of this?
The truth is true Is a tautology The truth is untried and true Is an etiology
