I grew up in the Neighborhood of… where if someone already had their… it was usually based on something… Now I live in the Land of Make T… where if someone’s mind is already…

You can’t give people the benefit of the doubt if you’re incapable of doubting yourself

Physicists insist that time can flow both forward and backward So, I always insist on sitting in the backward facing seats of th… because I need to be able to see

When hell freezes over we’ll all skate on our sins

I’m the kind of guy Who doesn’t ride a motorcycle But always wears a leather helmet

When I die I’m go– ing to donate my body to pseudoscience

You have your Mr. Fix-It and your Mr. Learn-To-Live-With-It

Never get greedy Always cut your losses And remember that it’s better to be lucky than good and it’s bad luck to be so good th…

Where once I feared death Now I fear that Death will be anticlimactic

When I put a period at the end of my text message it means that

Maybe We’re all Late bloomers

Immortality still involves death Because we all still fear death Enough to die from it Moshiach will be the one Whose immortality eliminates death

One woman’s sunk cost is another woman’s sunken treasure

The stapler inevitably jams And it’s always the stapler That jams the copier Except for the times it jams When you try to copy something you…

We are all mistaken in locating the black sheep’s diff… in the color of his fleece when the real distinction is that the other members of the flock