The difference between Being asleep at the wheel And being asleep at the wheel Of a self-driving car Is that in the former

When an American marries into a brood of Scots it’s a matter of when and not if we overdo it with the family tarta…

At this late juncture All eating is competitive eating But in the world to come All competition will be An excuse for a feast

We’ve all learned to speak interne… Rendering us one people divided By a common language Of zeros and ones Convinced we’ve broken the code

The one path to a sustainable future is understanding that people will only agree to cuts in their standard of livin…

Is it live? Let’s go to instant replay For constant analysis While we wait and see And while we wait for it

I thought I’d crafted a mystique when all I’d rea– lly made were mistakes

You can’t watch sports these days… Father Time is undefeated Which is when I always quote Saul… “Vait a minute. Vat about Rocky…

I’ve reached the age where getting ready for bed is like preparing for a spacewalk

I’ve done the math: In regards to #1 #1a is sadly mistaken

Note that the male tes– tes are exactly the size of small potatoes

They couldn’t have been more obvio… in their preparations for the surp… trusting that I was the type loathe to ruin my own surprise

The dream has always been To build a time machine And go back in time To change the present But some things never change–

You can’t make art worth dying for with what art is worth paying for