Hook-up apps have given intimacy all the allure of an oil change

The kingdom of heaven is like a tr… where gentlemen may remove their h… while all others must

I trusted the process It wrought processed food I’m still processing

No one was more surprised than the… when we cracked open his shell and… the inside covered in mirrors

I can never remember street names navigating strictly by landmarks taking left turns just past abandoned doughnut shops impugning me to keep my marriage

Only a poet Can accurately describe anything More accurately A poet can describe anything Except himself

Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski

I used to stand on the moral high ground to look myself in the eye but now that I’ve plucked it out and thrown it away

Our brains are just big enough to operate eight fingers and two thumbs An octopus is smart but if it also had

AI is A nobody And I am Nobody’s fool

The things we possess In turn come to possess us– For lucrative careers, see golden… And as the saying goes If you own a restaurant

I’ve always been more interested in who wrote the book of self-love

America hates its poor now more than ever because they are the embodiment of embodiment

To get into heaven they tell you that you have to answer one question correctly and that there are

When I was a kid we thought the end of the world was coming any minute via The Button Instead it came a little later