We got the five day work week because that’s how long it takes a python to digest it’s meal

In the latest version of Captain… Captain America’s archenemy is Captain Obvious for all the obvious reasons

Aristocracy failed because it couldn’t keep some of the people happy all of the time Democracy is failing because

It was when Socrates ate the frui… that he added this second line of… I know that my wife knows everythi…

The lower classes are those people who are not allowed to compete To feel good about perpetuating th…

And so I wake in the morning and I stay inside and I take a deep breath and I let out a sigh and I stream from the top of my ru…

Updating Yeats’s “The best lack all conviction While the worst are full of passio… I’d say The best lack all conviction

You know the (re)normalization of… is in full swing when the New Yor… justifies its publication of a cro… in the shape of a swastika on the start date of Chanukah

“A voice called out in the wildern… Clearing the way of the Lord Straightening a road in the desert For our God” Listen closely–

The makers of Fitbit Bring you the Pleasure Measure Because after you get your steps i… It’s time to get your fun done!

On a gray scale Of one to ten I’m a perfect five

Life has given us pumpkins ostensibly for carving and smashing but I smell an opportunity though the opportunity cost

The annoying thing about blenders Is how loud they are But then again My mouth functions as a blender And I’m a loudmouth

Caught between a rock and a hard p… we will sink or swim: Sink like a rock or swim in a hard place– the opposite of walking on water–

Everyone thinks Vladimir and Estr… stay together because they’re both waiting for Godot when really it’s their mutual disdain for Wile E. Coyote