If new car smell lasts forever you will not be able to smell it
If you made a Venn Diagram of my office and a coal mine the only thing you’d put where the… is the canary we keep by the copie… If the canary is dead
When life gives you A bottomless pit Fill it with Bottomless fries
Hook-up apps have given intimacy all the allure of an oil change
Moses was both the greatest and th… Because he compared himself Not to his fellow man– An act which makes you smaller and… But to God
My biggest mistake In fantasy football Is expecting today To be like yesterday Come to think of it
Like many people I have dreams in which I’m flying but in mine I’m always flying
A planning committee’s second most… Is coming up with a plan That everyone can agree to But no one is happy with This sounds strange until you real…
Everyone thinks Vladimir and Estr… stay together because they’re both waiting for Godot when really it’s their mutual disdain for Wile E. Coyote
We spend most of our waking lives alternating between procrastinatio… and delayed gratification as if by putting things off we’ve bought ourselves more time
You have to believe to commit And they think we’re crazy to beli… And would commit us as inpatients If only they had the patience But their patience has worn thin
My social medi– a persona is the mime who just won’t shut up
Words get in the way and a picture is worth a thousand words
My wife is philosophically opposed to my habit of justifying things, say a bag of the really good kind… with the phrase: I deserve it
No one who desires to be good believes themselves good; all those who believe themselves g… do so in service of their true desire
