At the end of life you can either say I brought it or I bought it

Carry a pen, should you need to write “Note to self: Congratulations!”

In a word, the internet is a Goliath Remember, Moshiach will be from the line of… Goliath,

All cars have always been getaway cars because they tell the world how much you’re getting away with but now all cars are SUVs

The annoying thing about blenders Is how loud they are But then again My mouth functions as a blender And I’m a loudmouth

There is no theory of quantum grav… Because– Einstein notwithstanding– No one understands gravity There is no theory of God

If you’re locked out of your house you can die from exposure but if you’re locked in your house you can die from overexposure

Writing history is hard especially when it’s about the past

All plants and animals die But only human life is A near-death experience Immortality, then Wil be the death of man

People don’t like surprises so I tell them they’re in for a real surprise which gives them something to look…

Questions are the an– swer to everything; now, how can I assist you

One year Has seven dog years And one of God’s weeks Has seven days Accordingly

I’m always asking God What is the meaning of life? In response, God looks at my life… What is the meaning of this?

As long as there have been people there have been people wearing mas… the difference now is that each mask comes with an entire cos…

Human beings would be hopeless but for God being hopelessly in love with us