He was the kind of husband who when his wife asked him to stop sa… complied but started looking for excuses to… panda bear

I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

Moses was both the greatest and th… Because he compared himself Not to his fellow man– An act which makes you smaller and… But to God

God is the world’s only super-bower

If dreams are the fulfillment of wishes you aren’t allowed to make then daydreams are the fulfillment of wishes

Knowing that everyone agrees you remind them of indoor furniture on the porch tells you nothing about what each of them thinks of you

A heart can only beat in synch with another A broken heart still beats because God keeps the time– just as He keeps us–

For the longest time we were convinced there’s something they’re not tell… But now that they’ve finally told… we can’t stop asking

The realist doesn’t look at clouds… that describes the escapist The realist looks at clouds and se… from her childhood

It’s horrifying when two parties have a suicide pact but it’s exponentially worse that the far right and far left

The difference between God and ma… Is that man can’t abide A free Jew While God will abide With the Jews

In the first take of Braveheart’s… Mel Gibson directed William Wall… “Freedom and responsibility!” But as a practiced antisemite Gibson quickly realized his error

I respond to A nail in my tire Like it’s the last nail In my coffin

There are no endings neither happy nor sad– Does this make you happy or sad? I pretend to answer the question by preferring songs that end

Whenever it looks like the Jews have finally been accepted by their host culture you can be sure that trouble for the Jews