Hell isn’t other people– Hell is waiting in line behind other people

Life is short because God knows to leave us wanting more

The last waltz isn’t over until they come waltzing back in

People don’t like surprises so I tell them they’re in for a real surprise which gives them something to look…

We call the end of sex the little… And the idea of casual sex Is as absurd as casual death

We think nothing’s shocking since we’ve seen it all when really it’s because we’re blind to the obvious

We are gathered around our phones Like little campfires And all we ever hear Are scary stories

Eat, drink And be merry But don’t drink And derive

You can’t take both forks in the road but you can overpack

Having given up On heaven No one Recognizes hell

Given a choice I’d rather open a restau– rant than my marriage

Because I was both my private and public self I was neither and my trail went cold from there But now that there are neither

Is it really leading by example when I floss in the office men’s r… after lunch or is this what the Buddhist’s cal… bodhisattva exhibitionism

You will know You are in the fight of your life When fighting it Is more important Than winning it

The only way God can love us all the same amoun… Is by loving each of us infinitely And the only way God can love each of us differentl…