Tired of my pre-contemplation phas… God sent me my wife Who Contemplated me during the honeymo… Prepared me for fatherhood

A poem is worth A thousand pictures A life is worth A thousand paper cuts So, if I were to

My wife is a lot like God If God weren’t perfect Like Him, she’s my toughest criti… But also my fiercest champion

When I got my first honey-do list after the wedding I explained to my bride that I us… until I was bitten by one of the 5… that don’t make webs

I am my own worst enemy But God is my greatest ally I like my odds

Big Brother used to just Cross his fingers To avoid telling the truth Then uncrossed them into a V for Vacancy

We’re not in control so we try to take control which leaves us feeling out of con… But it’s because anything can happ… that we can do anything

That moment when you reclassify yourself from a mystery to an unsolved mystery

It’s horrifying when two parties have a suicide pact but it’s exponentially worse that the far right and far left

Post-pandemic life is a broken rec… Where they keep saying If it ain’t broke Don’t fix it

It’s not that we are past The point of no return But that we the people Have invested our life savings In scorn for our neighbor

I thought I’d crafted a mystique when all I’d rea– lly made were mistakes

The people will never accept the f… that the one thing missing from an effective conspiracy is conspir… so they keep looking for the inexi… always expecting to find them

The epic poem for this epoch will have to say the most with the least

I am a story I tell myself The story is a cover-up The cover-up is always worse than… The crime is merely the will to po… The cover-up is giving away my pow…