I could do a passable moonwalk in socks on linoleum but if I put on one glove I had to take off one sock
Most tautologies are self-fulfilling prophecies For example: Most people are average But God never met
Knowing that everyone agrees you remind them of indoor furniture on the porch tells you nothing about what each of them thinks of you
Trump’s genius is his nothingness which allows him to be everything e.g., He’s America’s inside joke (American democracy was a joke lon…
The essay portion of the test Was explaining why The test only consists Of multiple-choice questions So, I wrote:
You may or may not realize it yet But you’re in the army If you do You’ve got your marching orders; It’s up to you to follow them
The brain is the heart’s fifth chamber and I am the chambermaid
All the advanced metrics say that A bird in the hand Is worth two in the bush But the burning bush advances the… That we are consumed by jealously…
My psychic told me I needed to ta… I said I already knew that I came here to look before I leap
As the public version of one’s pri… social media is the recurring drea… of showing up at work without any… come true
I know a guy who knows Paul Simon who told me the real reason for th… was that Paul got sick of Garfunk… stalling for thyme
You can’t prove that God exists But even if you could People would just say Correlation does not imply causati…
People think that the spork didn’t include any aspects of the… because the serrated edge of the prospective all-in-one utensil kept slicing open the focus group…
In the past they randomly distributed blanks amongst the firing squad so that you’d never know if you were really executing enemy…
A fishbowl made of screen glass is a fishbowl made for one that is magically adjacent to every other fishbowl in this world we conjured where
