My grandfather built his house With his own hands And yet later in life Cut off half his thumb with a chai… If Alanis Morissette is right

When I got to the front of the self-checkout line I assumed there’d be a mirror but to my surprise and delight it was even better than I’d hoped

Like a fine wine liberalism only rises to the subli… with a good pairing

You need to follow the rules all t… so that you’re following the rules… At the same time, you need to know exactly when to break the rules But there can’t be a rule for brea…

I fist met Cap’n Crunch back when he was 2nd Lieutenant C… He did this weird thing where he’d… in the powdered milk powder and sa… Stays crunchy even in milk!

When we say something is infinite Say, the universe What we really mean Is that it is unfinished

Democracy was superseded not by a police state but by a witness protection progra…

Where once an artist was a creator she is now a creative because a noun requires a verb and we’re meant to do nothing which pays well on the internet

It’s taken me this long to underst… like Pee Wee Herman I meant to do that though I’m still unsure why Because as hard as it’s been

It’s not just that “Man is wolf to man” It’s that he has always known this about himself and yet

To elide is to join together by omitting The world elides Jews abide

The biggest change in my lifetime Has been the change in the meaning… They don’t have a prayer It used to mean They don’t have a chance

War gave way Not to peace But to endless meetings

You can’t burn a bridge when they’ve already dismantled th… to keep you out but you can burn an eternal flame to mark the location

Instead of a Che Guevara t-shirt I have a Carol Burnett henley