When people say I live on my phone I wonder how they withstand the pr… Of eight tons per square inch

The Declaration of Independence w… revised to guarantee life, security and the pursuit of criminals

When we restrict someone’s space i… we say that they are doing time implying that the rest of us are doing spacetime You do time

Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski

It’s not just that The civilization I was born into Is gone– This probably happens To most of history’s long-lived

He should have said: If everything is permitted then God does not exist

As the public version of one’s pri… social media is the recurring drea… of showing up at work without any… come true

When I ask What’s wrong? It’s always short for What’s wrong with me?

If you have to ask how much pursuing it will cost you then you’ve already given way on your desire

Think about how much control they… with a made up version of eternal damnation Then consider how much freedom you’ll be left with

I have two dogs Which means I’m in double trouble I have three daughters Which means

My life was about to go down the drain but the drain was clogged

I know the world is round from experience: I ran from the truth for so long that I ran smack into it

Life is a movie in which childhood is a sequel to your pare… adulthood is a prequel for your ch… and making it to old age is living in a spin-off

They used to pay us A penny for our thoughts But then they realized We would pay them To think for us