You can strive for quality and never know if you will get any… You can pursue recognition and never know if you’ve done any… Or you can pretend to do both

Heads you take the risk Tails I take the reward i.e., Out of many risks, one fortune

I’m always leaving things at church so the lost and found won’t be empty

I always wondered if mimes were a type of clown until having my mind blown by the insight that

At bottom God is a brute fact and Satan a brutal fact

There is no theory of quantum grav… Because– Einstein notwithstanding– No one understands gravity There is no theory of God

I always thought saying slide trombone was like saying pizza pie until I heard about the valve trombone

If my peccadillos Are mere cigarillos Why is my hide as thick as an arma…

Women give hints So that men will think It was their idea I’ve never been good at taking a h… But I’m good at following orders

Telling ourselves half-truths Is worse than telling ourselves li… Because Although the truth will set you fr… Just as you can’t be half pregnant

Hell isn’t other people– Hell is waiting in line behind other people

Mid-life is when you realize you’re in a clown car The end of life is about accepting that of all the clowns

Physically unscathed after a life of piracy he was forced to lean heavily on his emotional scarring

I don’t get mad I get odd

God’s not buying it Until you own it– Are we clear?