I didn’t know my own strength because my strength is in numbers But now I know that my greatest w… was wanting to be number one Fortunately, while it’s easy to ge…

The duel with yourself is whether Your life will be a duel with God Or a duel against others This is the fight of your life And you have two hands

The only reason to pursue fame is to forestall the possibility that you’re the kind of person who would die wishing you’d been more famous

Because bodies make a fart joke of… etiquette used to dictate that whe… passed gas at, e.g., a dinner part… the polite thing to do was to pret… the fart never happened

The surest way to know That God is always there for us Is that we always have a choice This is why religion and liberalis… Are a match made in heaven

I used to say Nothing to see here but now that I’ve embraced transparency there really is

The older that I get, the more wanton lust looks like wanting for love

It used to be true that “All the world’s a stage” but now that all the world wide web’s a gauge the real world’s but a Faraday Ca…

It was only when I shared my out of body experience that I came to understand it was nothing out of character

I used to pretend that Kafka’s The Trial was my favorite book but these days I bring a courtroom stenographer with me

You’re only truly clever When the devil says “Live forever If only from God you’ll sever” And you reply “Never For God is always my lever

In all my years as warden I could never figure out how to co… with NFPA code 14.14.1.5.1- “Access to exits shall be marked b… readily visible signs in all cases…

Our enemies believe we are weak Because our elites believe that we… When, of course, strength is for p… Which our elites will only come to… When they find that they can’t pro…

You can’t quite see it but Moe also pokes Curly right in his third eye

The original version’s working title was The Giveth and Taketh Away Tree but Silverstein couldn’t get it published