I survived my humiliation By treating it like a joke Through becoming a joke myself In order to in turn survive my bec… I became a running joke

In my second marriage I went all in on being authentic When she left she said that being with me

There is a place Where children are to be seen And not heard Where all the children are raised To keep up appearances

At bottom God is a brute fact and Satan a brutal fact

It’s all over but for the shouting and this is the shouting

My biggest mistake In fantasy football Is expecting today To be like yesterday Come to think of it

Under new management, hell now consists of friendly fire

Paradoxically To approach perfection You need to make Really big mistakes Ironically

Al Gore didn’t invent the internet He created a device for the reinforcement of irrational thoughts and behaviors

I have a tendency to overreact When people tell me to get lost By taking them literally and serio… Which is literally how I found Go… Seriously!

No one is exactly sure why God switched from a pass/fail syst… to having you grade yourself but there have been quite a lot of B-plusses flying ar…

The first half of life: Did I say that? The second half of life: I did say that The end of life:

Domination is feudal But resistance seems futile And lo, we canoodle With the large standard poodle We all know as boodle

Like many people I have dreams in which I’m flying but in mine I’m always flying

Ours was the first all you can eat… to earn a coveted Michelin star and I always thought it was becaus… when you ordered the whole enchila… it came with bottomless fries