You don’t have to believe in God But if you don’t I believe you will hit a wall That wall is the limit of your thi… Since you will only be able to go

It’s hard to quantify change We keep running our equations Adding and subtracting everything… From everything we know about God And the numbers don’t add up–

The modernist thesis– You’ll know it when you see it The post—modernist antithesis— I can’t believe my own eyes Our current and nameless synthesis…

How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb? None– We turn to an inner light

The opposite of bad breath Isn’t good breath It’s fresh breath Because all breath is good So, you never have to hold your br…

Fight fire With fire Accordingly, A bureaucracy can solve any proble… With more paperwork

The first difference between your… When you know your boss’s eyes are… You need to look busy But when you know God’s eyes are… You actually want to get busy

You could say I tried stand-up but for the audience it was more like when the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on your own oxygen mask…

In days gone by we said you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink In these more opportune times it’s widely understood that

As ever There is the easy way And the hard way The hard way Is being condemned to a freedom

My wife fixed me with a stare that said Really, what haven’t you done for…

The original version’s working title was The Giveth and Taketh Away Tree but Silverstein couldn’t get it published

You’re only a real materialist If you demand that believers Do the impossible And then get angry When they prove you wrong

Either Life imitates art and becomes an exhibition Or Art Imitates Life