My wife is philosophically opposed to my habit of justifying things, say a bag of the really good kind… with the phrase: I deserve it

I’ve reached the age where getting ready for bed is like preparing for a spacewalk

In a great leap forward Nanotech reduced life To avoiding death By turning life Into a video game

When I got my first honey-do list after the wedding I explained to my bride that I us… until I was bitten by one of the 5… that don’t make webs

My corner of the internet may be infinitesimally small Not even a grain in a brick in the wall Yet still I’m a part

I thought I’d flown the co-op by living off the grid And yet I’m still a chicken only now I’m on the skids So I’ve up and joined a commune

Right up until the last revision it said Life, liberty and the hot pursuit…

Here’s the deal: You have no say in any of this but that doesn’t mean you can’t still have your way if you learn to see things our way

Almost every student prefers and l… But will almost always take the vi… Because those classes are always e…

Before I met you the happiest I’d ever been was when everything I’d ever wante… was on lay-away because I didn’t have to make any…

I’m neither handy nor a dandy but my wife still finds me handy d…

Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski

The New Revised Standard Version… A frenemy of yours is a frenemy of… whereas the New King James Versi… The frenemy of my frenemy is my fr…

Charlie Brown wants To believe Lucy wants To deceive But maybe, just maybe

Either like swords all signs have a point Or like the needle of a compass