Theoretically, Schrodinger’s Cat is both alive and dead at the same time In reality, cats have nine lives and one death

I always thought everybody was saying It’s better to be safe, then sorry

Each question on the purity test concludes with the following promp… Which two answers are correct? And you always have the same four choices:

All cars have always been getaway cars because they tell the world how much you’re getting away with but now all cars are SUVs

In Mexico City men never wear shorts and if that’s where my anxiety dreams are set they could represent

Materialism is no way out of Cartesian dualism It just turns backwards– I am, therefore I think– in an infinite regress

One thing I’ve learned is The good times Weren’t as good As I imagined them to be In fear of the bad times

The wrong crowd used to let things get out of control Now the wrong crowd has the best

Old habits are hard to break but impossible to make New habits, like flossing, are easy to make

My utopia is a dystopia where I get to say I told you so

The truth will set you free but consensus will get you academi… i.e., tenure

I’m still the kind of person who is shocked that you can run out of gas and run out of luck at the exact same time

When I ask myself if I might be wrong, there’s a whole lot of red tape

Average academics Have a pet theory Dominant academics Have a pet theory about pet theori…

It used to be that We could feed our souls By serving others Or feed our egos By serving ourselves