Everyone has a gift in life and mine is knowing exactly how much I can bid in a silent auction without winning

The opposite of modest isn’t immodest, it’s honest The opposite of immodest is confident

I used to pretend that Kafka’s The Trial was my favorite book but these days I bring a courtroom stenographer with me

If you’re locked out of your house you can die from exposure but if you’re locked in your house you can die from overexposure

We live in an age when the greatest danger is an excess of caution

You’ll know you’re talking to God When He doesn’t talk back Yet you still have your answer

A wedding ring is a mood ring that never changes color reminding us that a husband should always feel

I have what I need I know what I want I do all that I can until my day… My God does all the rest Or

You can’t break the chain of events but you can break the chain of custody for the chain of events

When I picked candy apples as my… (think spirit animals for foodies) I honestly had no idea I was naturally sweet but laid it on way too thick

Because man is condemned to freedo… his freedom has no exchange value Still, every man has his price since he is always free to sell his soul to the devil

I thought my alarm clock woke me up each day but the day I realized it had always been a false alarm was the day I realized

There was once a time when No Jews allowed Meant No Jews allowed But now they say

Everyone thinks Vladimir and Estr… stay together because they’re both waiting for Godot when really it’s their mutual disdain for Wile E. Coyote

The biggest stumbling block in bel… that God is in control is further accepting that He put us in charge