My wife is a lot like God If God weren’t perfect Like Him, she’s my toughest criti… But also my fiercest champion

After the death of God religion lived on as an inquest taboo

I’m getting much better at recognizing my wife’s subtle hi… like when she recently put mosquit… over her side of the bed

There were 102 passengers on the… So why only 101 dalmatians?

Before you know it The next big thing Is already The next best thing I suppose there’s worse things tha…

I’ll give you the forest And I’ll take the trees You save the whales And I’ll keep the bees The sand in your eyes

Putin lost his mind then he lost his war then he lost his job or Putin dropped the mask

Faced with a forced choice The agnostic feigns ignorance For if you ask a woman to marry yo… And she says I don’t know

The hardest thing to face is that your dreams won’t come tru… unless your fears come true first

The only reason to pursue fame is to forestall the possibility that you’re the kind of person who would die wishing you’d been more famous

You can’t take it with you tells us how to live well But we think it means living forev… and so, we’ve invested in Shell In the hopes that our savings will…

Step up to bat– It’s you against the world First base– Doubt yourself Second base–

The distorting effects of social m… have left us warped But we’ve made the best of it seeking our daily pleasure in deciding what

We think nothing’s shocking since we’ve seen it all when really it’s because we’re blind to the obvious

Actually marr– iage is like riding a tan– dem unicycle