Everyone thinks Vladimir and Estr… stay together because they’re both waiting for Godot when really it’s their mutual disdain for Wile E. Coyote

My matchmaker couldn’t find me any… but she suggested I go to the bing… and focus on the woman who played the most cards per game

“The human body generates more bio…

At the end of life you can either say I brought it or I bought it

When I was a child Parents sent their kids Outside to play Now we treat children Like little adults

Wittgenstein let the fly out of the bottle but western philosophy was soon back on the bottle

After fifteen years of marriage I thought by now I’d have made partner

You can’t make art worth dying for with what art is worth paying for

100% of success is showing up on time

The American far left lacks a unifying Great Leader because as a cult of narcissists each disparate member belongs to their own

The pandemic lockdowns were the pa… and penultimate nonevent because o… limits of human imagination– We could only imagine shutting everything down

My wife is R2-D2 Which, of course Makes me C-3PO She is constantly getting us into… In order to save us from ourselves

Al Gore didn’t invent the internet He created a device for the reinforcement of irrational thoughts and behaviors

Many people think of life as a gift but to me it’s more like

That wasn’t the sky Falling on your head That was the truth gone to ground By playing dead