The difference between Mother Nature and God the Father is that the former doesn’t suffer fools gladly while the latter

I always like to know where I stand and I always bring an umbrella that can double

The people will never accept the f… that the one thing missing from an effective conspiracy is conspir… so they keep looking for the inexi… always expecting to find them

Anticipation or dread work equally well at stopping time though the length of the work week

Accustomed to the view from their… the rich had no idea they were fas… a very steep waterfall

If you do the right thing you won’t be rewarded but you will be enabled

Life = Trial by fire Death = Trial by firing squad

Why bother keeping score when death assures that things always end in a tie Soon you’ll be able to get rid of death

If Wile E. Coyote ever caught the Roadrunner he’d suddenly lose interest

Life is short because God knows to leave us wanting more

I grew up listening to Barbara St… You don’t bring me flowers anymore and determined I’d never make that… Ten years into marriage my wife sa… Don’t bring me flowers anymore

If we had our druthers We would be insufferable Instead, we suffer As if desire were a curse And not our saving grace

The old playbook was all about helping you know the right time to go for it

This isn’t the best of all possible worlds but God does His best with what we give Him to work with

Given a ship that would never sink we proceeded to run it aground in search of