No shoes, no shirt, no service Just say no Do not pass go, do not collect $20… Don’t call us, we’ll call you No pain, no gain

Socialism insists You should want what you need Capitalism connives To make you need what you want When in truth

We’re always free to serve ourselves– Liberation is the process of freely choosing to serve others

I don’t get mad I get odd

You may or may not realize it yet But you’re in the army If you do You’ve got your marching orders; It’s up to you to follow them

The rug saves its harshest critique for the carpet

Cartoonists always draw the lightb… pointing up so that no one will think it’s a n…

It’s almost impossible to tell the difference between self-effacement and self-abasement In the former he stays down to earth

I grew up in the Neighborhood of… where if someone already had their… it was usually based on something… Now I live in the Land of Make T… where if someone’s mind is already…

I believe in a future in which man perfects the art of expressing his discontent in bushes that look like clouds

Yes, we have no bananas but we still need you to play second banana

I thought I was choosing between Life and death When really, I was choosing betwe… First and last place So, when I thought I chose life

My constant sense of dread Was just a case Of perpetual stage fright In a never-ending performance of c… Now that I’ve dropped the act

Given a choice I’d rather open a restau– rant than my marriage

The first thing I fell in love with was her out-of-office notification