I was happy alone Because being together Meant being lonely Until you showed me That being together

One would think the earth is flat “Unless” as the Coen brothers put it “round is funny”

The easiest way to tell that climate change is a new religion is that it allows for plenty of missed deadlines

Instead of using our flashlights to move through the wilderness in the dark, slowly we believe that if we just keep shining them about the dark forest

Everyone makes fun of the weatherman for getting the forecast wrong as if getting it right is his real job

I’ve done the math and the whole is only greater than the sum of its parts when the group is made up of individuals

We are all of us unreliable narrators Some of us just make a living at it

It takes talent to write a hit pie… but anyone can write a puff piece that in thirty years will read as a hit piece

I wasn’t shocked when scientists announced that a universe already infinitely… could still be expanding because I do have an ego

You need a high in– come to claim the moral high ground on your taxes

I’ll go those who want to live on forever in their apartment… one better– I’ll never even leave

Language is great for Letting us tell each other Where it hurts And you keep telling me It hurts when I don’t listen

Would that my morning toilet were a ritual and not just the muscle memory of a muscle memory

When people give you the silent treatment have them put it in writing

Every night when Smokey Bear would tuck me in… the last thing he always said was Only you can prevent forest fires