What do all apples have in common? It only takes one rotten apple to… Because all apples are unique But a mob of apples are uniquely b…

The ego always has three choices: 1. It can listen to the id and do what it wants to do 2. It can listen to the superego a… what it is supposed to do

In the old country song When Mac Davis sings “Oh lord it’s hard to be humble When you’re perfect in every way” I always assumed

One woman’s sunk cost is another woman’s sunken treasure

There was once a time when No Jews allowed Meant No Jews allowed But now they say

Mid-life crisis: the failure to start hoping you don’t get what you want

I’ve now reached the age when anticipation con– sists of nostalgia

When the shit hits the fan at least I know I won’t be wearing flip-flops

I’d always said Que sera, sera expecting the last guffaw Instead it’s a last hurrah before one or the other coups d’et…

You’ve always dressed to impress But it’s only since social media That you can use your appearance To exact compulsory service

They let Potter get away with any… but somehow I get expelled for flo… that a wizard can’t have the same… even though zero (magic) is only half as large as double ze…

Instead of a Che Guevara t-shirt I have a Carol Burnett henley

I’m not afraid of rejection– Life is a series of rejections Until you learn that Life goes on I’m afraid of abject humiliation

How anti-Semites use exegesis to… against the Jews: Step 1 – Cite Love your Enemy Step 2- Interpret

You don’t have to have children To help raise the children And you can have children Without working at it Raising children