If you want to win friends and inf… Find out what they care about (This is easy) Ask them about it (This is significantly harder)

Staring at your phone came to be known as the thousand yard stare

I’ve now reached the age when anticipation con– sists of nostalgia

You don’t really know someone until it becomes clear that you don’t really know them

People who enter a plea of I’m sorry if you were offended are bargaining for a sentence of time served reckoning they’ll have got off sco…

I can forgive myself anything exce… All of my contingency planning Was contingent upon Sending a contingent of negotiator…

Now that everyone else is also holier than thou Our far left raised the stakes becoming holier than Mao With slogans of piffle

I didn’t start consistently moonwa… until they required us to wear Fit… to qualify for our employee health…

Even when I’ve had sweet dreams Sleeping leaves a bad taste in my… Because even good dreams are bad d… Since the worst thing you can do t… Is to fulfill his wishes

I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

The brain is the heart’s fifth chamber and I am the chambermaid

Asked for his thoughts on God the materialist replied Nothing doing The mystic said Exactly

It was when Socrates ate the frui… that he added this second line of… I know that my wife knows everythi…

“The human body generates more bio…

I knew Remain was in trouble when they announced that a vote fo… was also a vote in favor of renami… Brexit McBrexitface