If you feel like you’ve been getting away with something you’ve probably been cheating yourself

There are no atheists in foxholes; the world is a foxhole

How much of your conflict with other tribes is the result of your efforts to avoid conflict within your own tribe?

Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski

Because the ego mustn’t know its real mission lest it go back on accepting it, this message will self-destruct five seconds before life begins:

Pressed on their oft explicit Sometimes implicit goal Of driving all of Israel’s Jews Into the sea, Western antisemites insist

Slow and steady wins the race because there isn’t any finish line

The trick is to craft a conformism so elaborate that you convince yourself it’s bespoke

Our big mistake is thinking a leap of faith is a tandem parachute jump where God pulls the parachute and you float gently down

Like anything else immortality has its pros and cons: Our chickens never come home to ro… but our cows never come home eithe…

You keep the peace they get everything else

The new Speech Code prohibits use of the phrase “Speak for yourself” due to its aggressive tone and threatening connotations

My wife is philosophically opposed to my habit of justifying things, say a bag of the really good kind… with the phrase: I deserve it

The epic poem for this epoch will have to say the most with the least

At first everyone was to be followed by a p… to protect us from terrorists or kill us if we were terrorists But then it was decided that