You start out needing money to advance your ideology but you end up mouthing your ideol… to rake in more money
Nobody grows up wanting to be a mot– ivational speaker
We confuse freedom for the act of choosing when our frontal lobe has no choice but to choose just as a heart must beat
When the devil told me “Fuck-up is a noun And so are you” I didn’t know if he meant I’m also a fuck-up
Life was once a high-wire act without a net Now it’s tennis without a net
In all my years as warden I could never figure out how to co… with NFPA code 14.14.1.5.1- “Access to exits shall be marked b… readily visible signs in all cases…
On a scale of one to ten One being the lowest Ten being the highest Rate yourself Then imagine
It is often wondered whether the v… People of the Book are reading fiction or non-fiction but since they are each reading an… of a relationship that is phenomen…
I thought they’d finally say Mea culpa But they still just said Me
We’d all been taught As the temps got hot That all was for naught And that was our lot So, we’d cashed out and bought
The easiest way to tell that climate change is a new religion is that it allows for plenty of missed deadlines
It turns out they were right when they removed the self-destruc… explaining You won’t be needing this anymore now that you have autocorrect
If you pursue any vice long enough you’ll either become bored or addi… scratch that– you’ll either become bored and qui… or bored and addicted
The problem is we’re running out of time and the only solution is playing the long game
You can die a million times Without a single ego death But one ego death is worth One God
