Mid-life is when you realize you’re in a clown car The end of life is about accepting that of all the clowns

If you don’t believe I’m the Led Zeppelin of poetry just wait ‘til you see my poems go over like a lead balloon

It’s not that I’ve often taken leave of my senses but that I can never take a hint

If the world exists on a continuum between utopia and dystopia but instead of polar opposites utopia and dystopia are both hell then at the exact midpoint

Free will consists of recognizing the inevitable and choosing wisely

Fox News said it was “Fair and B… which supposedly meant that it was… because it was balanced but really it meant that it was fa… because it wasn’t balanced–

A leader attracts a following The following attracts a crowd The crowd mobs the leader The leader forms a mob The mob goes mental

7. “Strategic” nuclear war: Assured destruction = yes, but mut… 6. Giant asteroid hits earth: No one to blame 5. Cyber war:

They say if you expect disappointment then you will never be disappointed But I say

None of us can see further than our own noses but Pinocchio can see further than the rest of us

Our big mistake is thinking a leap of faith is a tandem parachute jump where God pulls the parachute and you float gently down

As social animals the central question of our lives asked and answered answered and asked day upon day

Actual justice consists of hearing both sides of the story in order to decide which side is in the right meaning that justice

Where before It was handed to me on a silver-pl… Where everything real was just bel… Now I’ve found the real way forwa… By making it up as I go along

Life is a talent show where most everyone is doing bad versions of easy impressions