I knew Remain was in trouble when they announced that a vote fo… was also a vote in favor of renami… Brexit McBrexitface
You’ll know you’re talking to God When He doesn’t talk back Yet you still have your answer
In hopes of finally nailing down All the right answers We converted English into math Filtering language through ones an… Making all stories into word probl…
I have half a mind to lose my mind and half a mind to find God The question, natch
Like everyone else I dealt with My anonymity By becoming A recluse
At this late juncture All eating is competitive eating But in the world to come All competition will be An excuse for a feast
If I could put Just one thing In a time capsule It would be A crystal ball
The trick is to craft a conformism so elaborate that you convince yourself it’s bespoke
At work They know me by my secret identity The mild-mannered Clark Kent But at home with my family I can relax and let them see the r…
One thing I’ve learned is The good times Weren’t as good As I imagined them to be In fear of the bad times
It took the spies of Five Eyes to tell that Putin wasn’t bluffin’ But just ask the staff at Five Gu… and they’ll tell you Trump’s MacG… He longs for Daddy’s approval
If you’re locked out of your house you can die from exposure but if you’re locked in your house you can die from overexposure
I need the guy who trains your mind so that you can walk barefoot across hot coals to come to my house
A wise man once told me When you don’t know what to do do nothing A wise politician
The first thing I fell in love with was her out-of-office notification
