My matchmaker couldn’t find me any… but she suggested I go to the bing… and focus on the woman who played the most cards per game

On a sphere If you drill down far enough Eventually you will find yourself Drilling up to the surface So, while we may never get to the…

If I’ve said it once they’ve liked it a thousand times

My fellow Americans Where once we shared a collective… We called the will of the people That simultaneously tamed and expr… We have now regressed to the preci…

When I filter my selfie it becomes a safie

Nobody remembers how to forgive Because posting on social media Is an act of seeking approval

All art’s politi– cal but some art is more re– ligious than others

A being becomes human when you add meaning

Lunch is born free but everywhere is in chain restaurants

There’s equality And there’s e-quality You know the former when you see i… You know the latter when it sees y…

Whereas Stanford decided to make its mascot a tree my wife is a decision tree and I am her mascot even though I couldn’t get into S…

Contemporary pacifism attempts to… One full fathom deep But repression is just short for The return of the repressed So, you can tell a modern pacifist…

The trick is to craft a conformism so elaborate that you convince yourself it’s bespoke

I was thinking of a logo for my personal brand and I came up with a lightning bug in a glass jar

According to F. Scott Fitzgerald… “The test of a first-rate intellig… is the ability to hold two opposin… in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to fu…