I always thought saying slide trombone was like saying pizza pie until I heard about the valve trombone

From where I was situated There was no room to maneuver In the situation room And everybody else found themselve… In the same situation

Social media is a dream come true– Finally, I can keep up appearances while letting myself go

When I run out of things to do I write an itinerary: When all else fails fill sandbags to convert

My wife fixed me with a stare that said Really, what haven’t you done for…

In wristwatch advertisements the doomsday clock is always set to ten past ten

The culture war is a cyber war where you can’t tell that you’re behind enemy lines until you’re compelled to read your lines

The pursuit of fame is the human equivalent of a dog chasing its own tail

There was a time when fools managed perceptions in order to manage reality, realists managed perceptions because they couldn’t manage reali…

People think that our second civil war will be a fight for the American soul but as Aquinas knew the soul is the form of the body

It’s not that I’ve often taken leave of my senses but that I can never take a hint

Yes, we have no bananas but we still need you to play second banana

They can kick you out and send you to Siberia but they can’t kick God out of Siberia

Finding themselves at court in a r… for a body politic gone mad withou… aides could only hope to exploit h… bias in lieu of appeals to his dec…

The new Speech Code prohibits use of the phrase “Speak for yourself” due to its aggressive tone and threatening connotations