Life’s greatest mystery is how other people could possibly have as little interest in my Spotify playlists

Would my dentist still want me to floss if he knew that’s how I justified not going to the dentist

My grandfather built his house With his own hands And yet later in life Cut off half his thumb with a chai… If Alanis Morissette is right

While I was waiting for them to come to their senses they came to my house

Our lightweight cat litter develop… hit a speed bump when we realized it was worth its weight in gold

All plants and animals die But only human life is A near-death experience Immortality, then Wil be the death of man

Men are from Mars Women are from everywhere else

Accustomed to the view from their… the rich had no idea they were fas… a very steep waterfall

My constant sense of dread Was just a case Of perpetual stage fright In a never-ending performance of c… Now that I’ve dropped the act

I couldn’t believe that my first e… was still carrying a torch for me and then I saw all my other ex’s b… carrying a pitch fork

My wife– All 5 feet of her– Busted me out of prison So that I could get back To a life of time

The only thing Bigger than my ego Is God’s plan for me

A man starts out lying for instant gratification Inevitably, this progresses to buy… his unending rationalizations

All the real archetypes are from the circus and I thought I was a clown until I found myself shot from a cannon

The difference between the Pax Romana and the Pax Americana is that while all roads lead to Rome