In my culture low hanging fruit is considered a delicacy

It used to be that if you were obscure you had to be able to handle the truth and if you were famous

If we know our physics is real Because GPS works Then we know our God is real Because language works

It was when Socrates ate the frui… that he added this second line of… I know that my wife knows everythi…

My mistake was Worrying they would throw me to th… Which is how wolves in sheep’s clo… Herd sheep I only escaped when I learned

In communist Russia no one wanted to be seen to be the first person to stop clapping for Stalin In America today

Socialism insists You should want what you need Capitalism connives To make you need what you want When in truth

There are no endings neither happy nor sad– Does this make you happy or sad? I pretend to answer the question by preferring songs that end

Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski

We used to wonder What will they think of next? Having lost our capacity for wonde… We insist Now they’ve thought of everything

In hopes of finally nailing down All the right answers We converted English into math Filtering language through ones an… Making all stories into word probl…

Breathe in not out

On a scale of one to ten One being the lowest Ten being the highest Rate yourself Then imagine

The B is silent in subtle but spo… B-cause a B-ing B-comes human by saying the quiet… The B-all and end-all Is the B-ginning and the end

We’re running out of time Because we’re running So walk, don’t run For though we have no time to wast… Haste still makes waste