Al Gore didn’t invent the internet He created a device for the reinforcement of irrational thoughts and behaviors

My constant sense of dread Was just a case Of perpetual stage fright In a never-ending performance of c… Now that I’ve dropped the act

It’s only once you realize There’s no such thing As your own success That you avoid becoming A victim of your own success

Yes, we have no bananas but we still need you to play second banana

Free will consists of recognizing the inevitable and choosing wisely

It takes billions of years for the… of stars to reach us on earth but for the light its passage is instantaneous Our current relationship with God

The pursuit of fame is the human equivalent of a dog chasing its own tail

Father knows best practice is to ask your mother

My wife is a lot like God If God weren’t perfect Like Him, she’s my toughest criti… But also my fiercest champion

How do I love me? Let me count t… I love me to the depths of my stom… and when in line in front of a lum… I’ll take the last fried rice in t… I love me to the level of Wall St…

They can’t kick sand in your face if your head is al– ready in the sand

Don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s all big stuff.

I can demand control Of my fear Or I can accept That I am not in control And be not afraid

Beware the self-loathing salesman who loves what he does– If you buy what he’s selling then you bought it because you broke it

When people give you the silent treatment have them put it in writing