Beware the self-loathing salesman who loves what he does– If you buy what he’s selling then you bought it because you broke it

Relationships are hard work unless you’ve preemptively announc… that you’re quitting but staying on as a volunteer

Did we stop playing the long game because it is the wrong game or is it only the wrong game because we’ve long since stopped p… Or is asking that question more of…

All art’s politi– cal but some art is more re– ligious than others

It is only when you conduct a fearless moral inventory that you will come to fear God because you knew the right thing t… but did the wrong thing anyway

My psychic told me I needed to ta… I said I already knew that I came here to look before I leap

God’s not buying it Until you own it– Are we clear?

If you want to know what the quarantine was like for me walk a mile in my new leather sweatpants

It was an open secret that on his day off Sisyphus liked to go downhill skii…

I couldn’t believe that my first e… was still carrying a torch for me and then I saw all my other ex’s b… carrying a pitch fork

Everyone has a gift in life and mine is knowing exactly how much I can bid in a silent auction without winning

Like you I was born for greatness And, like you My call to greatness is “A great disturbance in the Force…

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and antisemitism

I’m still the kind of person who is shocked that you can run out of gas and run out of luck at the exact same time

A man must never admit that what he wants more than anything is to be told what to do Instead