Updating Yeats’s “The best lack all conviction While the worst are full of passio… I’d say The best lack all conviction

I couldn’t believe that my first e… was still carrying a torch for me and then I saw all my other ex’s b… carrying a pitch fork

When someone says Ask me anything You wonder what you’re not allowed… But that’s exactly what you can’t… Because they don’t know

A wise man once told me When you don’t know what to do do nothing A wise politician

Knowing is half the battle but it’s always been left unsaid t… the other half is feeling We can now definitively say that you’ll know the battle’s been…

The day I found out I was as deep as a basket of botto… was the same day I learned that the problem with fishing for compl… is that you can’t throw them back

The three most powerful words in the English language are not I love you; they are So be it

The old playbook was all about helping you know the right time to go for it

I have a tendency to overreact When people tell me to get lost By taking them literally and serio… Which is literally how I found Go… Seriously!

Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski

Insanity is also seeing people do the same thing over and over again and expecting them to let you cons…

A mid-life crisis happens when you realize that life is a treadmill which keeps speeding up until you fall off

If you don’t believe I’m the Led Zeppelin of poetry just wait ‘til you see my poems go over like a lead balloon

My astrologer credited her work wi… for the discovery of a thirteenth… Jello the Jellyfish which shares the sting of my erstw… but is distinguished by a spineles…

Were I not happily married to my Jewish bride I would have happily lived out the rest of my days none the wiser