The truth will set you free but consensus will get you academi… i.e., tenure

Even when I’ve had sweet dreams Sleeping leaves a bad taste in my… Because even good dreams are bad d… Since the worst thing you can do t… Is to fulfill his wishes

Today’s peace movement, in a nutsh… Do what we do Not what we say And we say we come in peace Because we’re mostly peaceful

Just when you think You’ve seen it all It all falls apart So, you put it back together again Thinking this time it’s forever

No one is exactly sure why God switched from a pass/fail syst… to having you grade yourself but there have been quite a lot of B-plusses flying ar…

When they drew a winner It looked like we’d won By the luck of the draw But we came by our good fortune The honest way:

When civilization was still buildi… deconstruction was all the rage Now that everything we’ve built is… rage is all the rage

Tom Brady keeps a portrait of him… that is becoming progressively more likable

In the old country song When Mac Davis sings “Oh lord it’s hard to be humble When you’re perfect in every way” I always assumed

Everyone makes fun of the weatherman for getting the forecast wrong as if getting it right is his real job

Rest assured AI will give us exactly what we d… Because the devil is gentle but fa… Whereas God is tough but more tha…

Fox News said it was “Fair and B… which supposedly meant that it was… because it was balanced but really it meant that it was fa… because it wasn’t balanced–

We used to wonder What will they think of next? Having lost our capacity for wonde… We insist Now they’ve thought of everything

Every night when Smokey Bear would tuck me in… the last thing he always said was Only you can prevent forest fires

In his weekend forays for psilocyb… he had always been wary of poisono… but he never accounted for the con… that did him in in the end