The best way to prevent something from happenin… is to convince people that it already did

I have two dogs Which means I’m in double trouble I have three daughters Which means

I was voluntold to make myself sca… But scarcely do they realize In pretending to give me a choice They have unwittingly given me an… Truth or dare?

You seem to have caught me in a gr… But it can’t be at all my fault if As you’ll see in the hieroglyph My back is to the cliff Over which the lemmings drift

The internet is king And every social media post the sw… Screening out anyone who sees in t… The red flag of totalitarianism And only letting through

I was an idea man with one good idea and I have no idea why they stole my idea of a good t… when they could just have it

While I was waiting for them to come to their senses they came to my house

The human condition is either thinking that we’re free when we’re actually held captive or thinking that we’re captive when we’re actually free

In Mexico City men never wear shorts and if that’s where my anxiety dreams are set they could represent

Life’s unhappiest surprises always come from those you’ve known forever without ever knowing the score but now you will

Putin lost his mind then he lost his war then he lost his job or Putin dropped the mask

Much like nuclear weapons the whole point of having vacation days is never to use them

How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb? None– We turn to an inner light

One of the clearest differences be… Is that all of God’s rules Are written down in the Torah While the devil strictly relies on… This is because

Google Glass never took because smart phones are a prosthetic for the hands not the eyes