When I got to the cave at the top of the mountain and asked the hermit What is the meaning of life? she said
Instead of shooting bullets into t… to celebrate I raise my leaf blower towards the… On blue moons I do this from my jet ski
I didn’t start consistently moonwa… until they required us to wear Fit… to qualify for our employee health…
It’s obvious that God is doing us… But it’s less widely acknowledged… God calls in all His favors And the only way to return the fav… Is to try and do the impossible
There’s always been a method to our madness Its latest name is the scientific method The madness is believing in
The internet is king And every social media post the sw… Screening out anyone who sees in t… The red flag of totalitarianism And only letting through
They can’t kick sand in your face if your head is al– ready in the sand
I have a bad habit of predicting the future; it has kept me alive but only to fight another day And yes, my brain is pattern-seeki…
I am simultaneously purging while binge watching TV on my Gal… by ignoring my wife and kids
There’s more than one way to move… So, I’m always beavering away At my dam that bends the river Far, far away from the foot of the…
You can’t watch sports these days… Father Time is undefeated Which is when I always quote Saul… “Vait a minute. Vat about Rocky…
If you need to appear weak to access power you’ll end up weak-kneed and abuse your power
It’s still wise not to panic but now it’s because you need to keep your powder dry for a moral panic
Never Win Anything
Because bodies make a fart joke of… etiquette used to dictate that whe… passed gas at, e.g., a dinner part… the polite thing to do was to pret… the fart never happened
