God doesn’t make mistakes But He lets us make mistakes Which, unless I’m mistaken Means there’s no mistaking us for… But being mistake prone

The ugly duckling Is not a duck But he is a lucky duck

Heart cancer is vanishingly rare because a heart of gold only spreads love, not gold while a mind of gold inevitably spreads all the way

The human capacity for love is perfectly equaled by the human capacity for aggression The chances that these two traits would have been selected for

When I put a period at the end of my text message it means that

Just as Tastes like chicken is code for I only want chicken I don’t know what I want

I’m always asking God What is the meaning of life? In response, God looks at my life… What is the meaning of this?

Somewhere between 27% and 53% of… none of which students can legally… is wasted Let’s split the difference and call it 40%

Miss Suzie had a scapegoat The scapegoat was Hillel Miss Suzie went to heaven The scapegoat went to Hello terminator

As a start Put your mouth where your money is… This is called telling the truth But, of course Telling the truth

If we learned anything from the pandemic it’s that people much prefer being left to their own devices over

I was always afraid to admit I knew they would knife me in the… Until I came to fear God Which is how I know He has my back

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and antisemitism

There are only two real superpowers: unacknowledged plagiarism and begrudging cooperation

If new car smell lasts forever you will not be able to smell it