Just as a lucky horseshoe works Whether you believe in it or not As long as the competition to pass… Goes on forever Then everyone’s a winner
I was never one for playing the field but I was really good at standing on the sideline worrying over my equipment
When the loyal opposition smelled a rat the administration’s defense centered on the fact that it wasn’t the rats that had carrie…
God broke in half-way through my prayer and said You’re on mute
While I was waiting for them to come to their senses they came to my house
Peanut butter’s not very good by itself but chocolate is Because I’m not very religious it’s important for me
We spend most of our waking lives alternating between procrastinatio… and delayed gratification as if by putting things off we’ve bought ourselves more time
It took the spies of Five Eyes to tell that Putin wasn’t bluffin’ But just ask the staff at Five Gu… and they’ll tell you Trump’s MacG… He longs for Daddy’s approval
Knowing is half the battle but it’s always been left unsaid t… the other half is feeling We can now definitively say that you’ll know the battle’s been…
For those who are real– ly asking, the truth is al– ways multi-tasking
The last stage of wes– tern civilization was groupthink without groups
Our big mistake is thinking a leap of faith is a tandem parachute jump where God pulls the parachute and you float gently down
You can tell that the far right Borg and the far left Borg are one Borg because Donald Trump
In France everyone thinks Scotch tape is crap
All men come with self-destruct bu… If he seems to be missing one, you’re the button
