When my dog gives me that knowing… I don’t know what she knows I only know that she knows Who I’m fooling And it isn’t her
A long time ago I received my mission statement: The best version of myself isn’t t… I’m currently on my ten thousandth… Trying to figure out what this mea…
Whereas Mayor McCheese loved reading about himself in the newsp… ex-Mayor McCheese was served with divorce papers
You can cash in on your talent You can cash in on your good looks You can cash in on your hard work You can cash in on your good luck You can even cash in on all four
Male materialists rarely make for marriage material because in their insistence that life’s not fair they further insist
Old habits are hard to break but impossible to make New habits, like flossing, are easy to make
You’ve met your femme fa– tale when you can’t stop wishful thinking about her
For about one hundred years it was no longer a secret that the easiest way to be a rational a… in an irrational world is to rationalize all
They put a circle at dead ends so you can either live there or turn back but we just keep
We fear that the long game Is a long, lost game Because we find ourselves lost Forgetting how, on the surface of… We can plow forward in trust
The first half of life Is spent waiting for the inevitabl… But inevitably, you get distracted… Because a watched pot never boils The second half of life
Because the ego mustn’t know its real mission lest it go back on accepting it, this message will self-destruct five seconds before life begins:
Before you know it The next big thing Is already The next best thing I suppose there’s worse things tha…
If you want to know what the quarantine was like for me walk a mile in my new leather sweatpants
The revolution will be permanent When nobody means what they say But everybody memes what they say
