The one path to a sustainable future is understanding that people will only agree to cuts in their standard of livin…

Liberalism can be confused with ni… where you have to believe in nothi… or with Unitarian Universalism where you’re encouraged to believe… as much of everything as you like

I never knew who they thought I really was until I finally staked my claim

The difference between God and ma… When we get up to our usual shenan… God always says Frankly my dear, I do give a damn

The US Constitution rules out cruel and unusual punishment but that and a nickel will get you 1% of a cup of coffee now that cruelty is the usual

Because bodies make a fart joke of… etiquette used to dictate that whe… passed gas at, e.g., a dinner part… the polite thing to do was to pret… the fart never happened

Post-pandemic life is like being a… Who comes home only to find Her parents have replaced Her obviously dead goldfish With a new one

She was so cool that even her periods were fashionably late

Life itself is depthless As in shallow and superficial Life and death are depthless As in unfathomably deep

It’s widely known that A man’s best availability is his a… The highest praise for a man is What would we do without him? But it’s rarely said that

We never know what’s in the offing Which is why we’re always on Except on Shabbos When we’re off And then it’s off to the races aga…

There are two types of men: Those who lie to deceive and those who by lying tell you what they really believe There is one type of woman:

Time tells a story and linear time is a plot device we’ve made up, call it a time machine, to advance the plot

There are two kinds of people in t… Those who believe in God And those who believe in God But also believe in God You can tell the latter