There are two kinds of people in t… Those who believe in God And those who believe in God But also believe in God You can tell the latter

My wife sleeps on her back while I sleep in the mis– take prone position

I’ve reached the age where getting ready for bed is like preparing for a spacewalk

I know how it must sound– A two-year long two—week lockdown— But let me expound And dish the lowdown: What we fear’s a hoedown

When people ask Business or pleasure? I want to say Life’s only pleasure Is unfinished business

The best way to control somebody Is to divide the mind from the bod… Because the body is where the soul…

Your search for a vein is now done in vain under the soft tyranny of wireless narcotics in whose touchless embrace

I put out a comedy album Side A was called Wins Side B was called Losses Only one side was funny

You would think doing well on social media would give you strength in numbers but you only end up

In a failed democracy the one thing both sides can agree on is that the real traitors are the loyal opposition

Your soul is mission control And Houston We have a problem Literally Problem is

It’s only once You’ve submitted to God’s will That God will say Surprise Me

Smile and the whole world smiles with yo… Laugh and the whole world smiles with yo… Cry

You don’t really know someone until it becomes clear that you don’t really know them

In hopes of finally nailing down All the right answers We converted English into math Filtering language through ones an… Making all stories into word probl…