Nobody grows up wanting to be a mot– ivational speaker

When I got my first honey-do list after the wedding I explained to my bride that I us… until I was bitten by one of the 5… that don’t make webs

In hopes of finally nailing down All the right answers We converted English into math Filtering language through ones an… Making all stories into word probl…

The best way to control somebody Is to divide the mind from the bod… Because the body is where the soul…

Seeing as no good deed goes unpuni… Everyone else turned the job offer… And went back to waiting on their… Only the Jews understood that In the real world

You could say I tried stand-up but for the audience it was more like when the flight attendant demonstrates how to put on your own oxygen mask…

All ideas that stood the test of t… Are outdated ideas because They failed to meet our search cri… There’s no time like the present

As Amazon Prime Minister I’m ringleader of the carefree world

Everybody worships something But that something is amiss Hero worship is one thing But heroin’s an abyss Invisible from the One Ring

The fatal mistake Is taking his weakness For kindness

In failing to put the I in team I took the erotic out of neurotic

The sign used to say: Gentlemen may remove their hats All others must Now it reads: Ladies and gentlemen may wear thei…

Believing that one can use social media for good is like thinking one can live in the Matrix without fueling the Machines

It used to be true that “All the world’s a stage” but now that all the world wide web’s a gauge the real world’s but a Faraday Ca…

I wasn’t born to follow mainly because I would never go through a red light