Some families hide the truth in pl… By laughing at it Although it gets confusing for a c… When the truth is a joke That can’t be told

You need a high in– come to claim the moral high ground on your taxes

In becoming a celebrity a person meets the same kind of de… that a tree does in becoming a Christmas tree– embalmed in sugar

All of reality is a temptation To believe in yourself But if you do You’ll never get it– Self-confidence is always lacking

I have an idea: I have no idea

I know I’m losing an argument with my friends when my thoughts turn to lunch I know I’m winning when I’m about to lose my lunch

In all my years as warden I could never figure out how to co… with NFPA code 14.14.1.5.1- “Access to exits shall be marked b… readily visible signs in all cases…

If you leave well enough alone for long enough you’ll have enough to make you cry

My social medi– a persona is the mime who just won’t shut up

There are only two real superpowers: unacknowledged plagiarism and begrudging cooperation

Just as birds regurgitate to feed their young human beings have culture

Today’s peace movement, in a nutsh… Do what we do Not what we say And we say we come in peace Because we’re mostly peaceful

Men are from Mars Women are from everywhere else

Initially, as you approach hell it feels like you’re getting a warm welcome

Democracy was superseded not by a police state but by a witness protection progra…